When you start being rude and judgmental about my life is when I stop telling you about anything going on in it.
I could make a list of all the weird, random little things that I find attractive about you. It would begin with that squinty face you make when you’re focusing on something, and it’ll end if I ever stop discovering new ones.
Oh right, now I remember what it feels like.
I always bitch about my inability to produce more than a few tears at a time like a normal human being, but it really is a blessing.
It’s so corny,
so cliché, so trite,
so utterly ridiculous,
the way I wake up in the morning,
rub the sleep out of my eyes,
and let a smile creep up,
because unconscious hours let me forget,
and all of a sudden,
I remember once again,
that we’re here,
and this is real,
and this is happening,
and I’m yours,
and you’re mine.
Six word story
I like to think about how much easier my life could potentially be these days if you just never existed in the first place. But I know I’m probably just kidding myself. Que sera, sera.
I’ve spent hours of my life getting ready for first dates. Making sure every piece of hair fell correctly, and every outfit looked right. I’ve stressed, and panicked, and fussed, and retouched. I’ve excused myself just to make sure eyeliner wasn’t smudged, and have strategically hid chipped nail polish and blemishes beneath my fingers.
So naturally, when I found the right person, it just so happened to be someone who up until recently, has only ever seen me in messy spandex and sneakers, frizzy hair, smeared makeup, and drenched in sweat. Maybe all the best things in life are completely unexpected. Now I can’t help but think of all those wasted hours of attempted perfection that never amounted to anything, and wish I could get them all back just to spend them with him.
Exchanging pleasantries with someone in your vicinity and having less than five civil exchanges, no matter how genuine, does not make a friend.
Accidentally falling into something unexpected that has made two people happier than either of them have ever been does not make a villain.
Being up front and honest about a situation instead of letting someone find out on their own, solely because you know how devastated they will be, does not make someone childish.
And posting every word of the situation publicly to shame two people who have already been feeling rightfully horrible, does not make a victim.
I’ve always found it sort of comical, the idea that there could ever be a single person in the world who could actually offer you everything that you needed. I spent months trying to keep the upper hand in situations and sifting through prospects trying to take the best from each and splice them together into some sort of ass-backwards Weird Science experiment just to placate myself for a month or so. I ran my energy level and my attention span into the ground time and time again, just trying to find some semblance of what I knew I was worthy of. I walked away, stormed out, and slammed more doors behind me than I care to admit. And then, just when I was ready to lay down on the whole idea and take a nap, you came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.
Now, not only do I believe that one person is more than capable of offering you every single thing that you need, but I also believe that they can be capable of offering you things you never even knew you wanted, and never even dreamed that you deserved. I believe that they can look into your eyes so deeply that they pull out every good thing inside of you that you didn’t even realize was still there. I believe that they can make the words to all those cliche songs resonate within you when they’re singing them into your ear in a room filled with hundreds of people, and still make you feel like you’re the only ones there. But more than anything, I now believe that it’s possible to exchange words that are honest. So honest that they leave butterflies fighting one another in the pit of your stomach and that they almost burn your skin when they come rushing out of your fingertips. Words that have no hidden meanings or agendas or crossword puzzles to complete before you can comprehend them. Words that aren’t gonna just stop coming on some random Tuesday afternoon, leaving you scratching your head and wondering what in the world you did wrong.
Thank you for all of these things. Thank you for all of the things you’ve done, and all the things you will do. And more than anything else, thank you for being you. Because you’re making me incredibly happy to be me.
things i don’t like to wear:
- a bra
- my heart on my sleeve
So this thing happened.
And I didn’t really see it coming.
But now my heart is filled to the brim with positivity,
and I just can’t seem to stop smiling.
When was the last time you could talk to someone consistently for seven straight hours without ever getting bored or running out of things to say?
I love it when you say my name.